Time for a Bad Joke Thread

[Buffalo Phil]

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' and toward the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds. "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter,"but for a million pounds, you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?


a) Sparrow


b) Thrush,


c) Magpie,


d) Cuckoo?"


"I haven't got a clue." said Mick, "So I'll use me last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin."

Mick called up his mate Paddy, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. "Fookin' hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple - it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fookin' sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as me answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is."

There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink."Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that
doesn't build its own nest?"
"Because he lives in a fookin' clock!

[Buffalo Phil]

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'

The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip ,placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked: 'What the fuck are you doing?'

The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my son-in-law.'

[crosbike]

[hippie metal]

Fred went wheeling

[Burton58]

Fred went wheeling

Ha that was too much

[hippie metal]

Ha that was too much

[Buffalo Phil]

Fred went wheeling