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So I’ve crawled out from underneath my giant rock of Television Ignorance recently and, under the recommendations of others that enjoy westerns, purchased a DVD box set for fucking cheap: Season 1 of Deadwood.
What drew me to this was a new style western that hopefully didn’t suck. I saw 4:10 to Yuma, the new one, and found it laughable. It didn’t have that teeth grinding, face punching grittiness that Clint Eastwood brought to the table in his westerns. I know this may sound heathenish, but I can’t stand John Wayne; he is like the bubblegum music of the fucking 1950s and 1960s of the Western Movie World, but that is my own personal issue and if you have problems, fine. Fire, Well, you know the drill. Fall in one.
Anyway, so I was drawn to it, mainly because it was cheap too, and I needed a good New Age Western to watch without being insulted, thought in the end I simply can’t escape it, but I’ll get to that later. What I did like about this series, while probably not 100% realistic, was the no holds bar fucking, shooting, and face punching awesomeness of the most of the characters and how they all just looked and felt right. When you watch some of the scenes from Deadwood, you feel immersed in the scenery, the environment. Lawlessness, Whore Houses, Whiskey, Gold and Colt Six Shooters at everyone’s fucking hip. It’s awesome. I’d like to one day be able to walk around Fairfield with my Marlin M444 like some of the men who strode proudly around Deadwood with their Winchesters at their shoulders, showing the world who the fuck they were, either sportsman, RedMan Killers or plain ol’ fucking outlaws living gold nugget to gold nugget. Another great thing I noticed too with 99% of the characters is their dialogue. The fucking word Fuck is most likely used in every other syllable when the character Al Swearengen is fucking talking. It’s great. Another great character is Wild Bill Hickock, the cool, collective, yet slightly despaired six gun six shooter extraordinaire talks, he has that rasp stoicism to his voice like he could shoot your fucking head off, shit down your throat and take a nap in a hallway before you have time to wonder if there is Whiskey at the local whore house. Though despite the overall LACK of shooting in the 8 episodes I have seen so far, the dialogue is good, and I’m a sucker for good dialogue. Most of the show is talking heads, yes, but it isn’t like Inglorious Basterds where the conversations are so drawn out and such mirrors for Quentin Tarantino’s inflated Ego that you sit there wondering when the blood is going to start pouring out of your eyes because it isn’t pouring out of the eyes of the characters on screen as in other Tarantino movies, but that is another issue for a later date.
Here is an Example of one conversation that I, personally, thought was fucking Awesome, and a great scene too.
Getting back to the characters, though, most of them where believable to me except for a few that had me wondering what the fucking hell they were doing on my TV screen. But as I said for the most part, the characters were good, except for one of them.
I shall name that character right now. Seth Bullock. He is some Canadian character that comes down to Deadwood to open a Hardware store. This Character is that ONE CHARACTER that I wonder over and over and over again, what the fuck is this man doing on my fucking TV screen.
This guy plays him.
You may Recognize Timothy Elephant from such movies as the latest DIE HARD or Hitman the Movie, but I know his as Mr. Personality. I use this name ENTIRELY out of jest simply because he has no personality. He has no emotion. He has no love for his Job when he acts. He is the most monotone character I have ever seen in my life and the only movie I ever liked him in was Hitman, because Hitman is a staunch, unemotional character that kills people for the fucking LULZ of life and you know what, I actually felt bad for Tim for blatantly being type-caste for that role. He is in fact a heartless, unemotional paper cutout Hack of an Actor and whenever he comes onto the screen in Deadwood, he tries to pass himself off as Billy Badass fucking Cowboy, when all he does is fall flat on his face, flailing for attention and crying out curse words to make himself feel good. I feel as if they were desperate for some sort of big actor that could fill this roll, and they failed miserably. He doesn’t fit into Deadwood at all. He doesn’t fade into the background when he isn’t talking onscreen. You see this tall, lanky fucking prim and proper and totally unbelievable character standing there with a pissed off look on his face like he just fucked every whore in town and got a wild case of crabs with rabies. It is like sitting at the movies theater and there is a white paint streak across the screen. It’s there, it’s annoying, it won’t fucking go away, but by the end of the movies, if you haven’t walked out, you simply learn to ignore it and that is what I do with Timothy Ephalant.
So I think if you like Westerns, you should give it a try but whenever you see Timothy Oilyfant on the screen, paint a bit white stripe over him and when the screen is completely covered in paint, turn the TV off and go wheel or something.
What drew me to this was a new style western that hopefully didn’t suck. I saw 4:10 to Yuma, the new one, and found it laughable. It didn’t have that teeth grinding, face punching grittiness that Clint Eastwood brought to the table in his westerns. I know this may sound heathenish, but I can’t stand John Wayne; he is like the bubblegum music of the fucking 1950s and 1960s of the Western Movie World, but that is my own personal issue and if you have problems, fine. Fire, Well, you know the drill. Fall in one.
Anyway, so I was drawn to it, mainly because it was cheap too, and I needed a good New Age Western to watch without being insulted, thought in the end I simply can’t escape it, but I’ll get to that later. What I did like about this series, while probably not 100% realistic, was the no holds bar fucking, shooting, and face punching awesomeness of the most of the characters and how they all just looked and felt right. When you watch some of the scenes from Deadwood, you feel immersed in the scenery, the environment. Lawlessness, Whore Houses, Whiskey, Gold and Colt Six Shooters at everyone’s fucking hip. It’s awesome. I’d like to one day be able to walk around Fairfield with my Marlin M444 like some of the men who strode proudly around Deadwood with their Winchesters at their shoulders, showing the world who the fuck they were, either sportsman, RedMan Killers or plain ol’ fucking outlaws living gold nugget to gold nugget. Another great thing I noticed too with 99% of the characters is their dialogue. The fucking word Fuck is most likely used in every other syllable when the character Al Swearengen is fucking talking. It’s great. Another great character is Wild Bill Hickock, the cool, collective, yet slightly despaired six gun six shooter extraordinaire talks, he has that rasp stoicism to his voice like he could shoot your fucking head off, shit down your throat and take a nap in a hallway before you have time to wonder if there is Whiskey at the local whore house. Though despite the overall LACK of shooting in the 8 episodes I have seen so far, the dialogue is good, and I’m a sucker for good dialogue. Most of the show is talking heads, yes, but it isn’t like Inglorious Basterds where the conversations are so drawn out and such mirrors for Quentin Tarantino’s inflated Ego that you sit there wondering when the blood is going to start pouring out of your eyes because it isn’t pouring out of the eyes of the characters on screen as in other Tarantino movies, but that is another issue for a later date.
Here is an Example of one conversation that I, personally, thought was fucking Awesome, and a great scene too.
Getting back to the characters, though, most of them where believable to me except for a few that had me wondering what the fucking hell they were doing on my TV screen. But as I said for the most part, the characters were good, except for one of them.
I shall name that character right now. Seth Bullock. He is some Canadian character that comes down to Deadwood to open a Hardware store. This Character is that ONE CHARACTER that I wonder over and over and over again, what the fuck is this man doing on my fucking TV screen.
This guy plays him.
You may Recognize Timothy Elephant from such movies as the latest DIE HARD or Hitman the Movie, but I know his as Mr. Personality. I use this name ENTIRELY out of jest simply because he has no personality. He has no emotion. He has no love for his Job when he acts. He is the most monotone character I have ever seen in my life and the only movie I ever liked him in was Hitman, because Hitman is a staunch, unemotional character that kills people for the fucking LULZ of life and you know what, I actually felt bad for Tim for blatantly being type-caste for that role. He is in fact a heartless, unemotional paper cutout Hack of an Actor and whenever he comes onto the screen in Deadwood, he tries to pass himself off as Billy Badass fucking Cowboy, when all he does is fall flat on his face, flailing for attention and crying out curse words to make himself feel good. I feel as if they were desperate for some sort of big actor that could fill this roll, and they failed miserably. He doesn’t fit into Deadwood at all. He doesn’t fade into the background when he isn’t talking onscreen. You see this tall, lanky fucking prim and proper and totally unbelievable character standing there with a pissed off look on his face like he just fucked every whore in town and got a wild case of crabs with rabies. It is like sitting at the movies theater and there is a white paint streak across the screen. It’s there, it’s annoying, it won’t fucking go away, but by the end of the movies, if you haven’t walked out, you simply learn to ignore it and that is what I do with Timothy Ephalant.
So I think if you like Westerns, you should give it a try but whenever you see Timothy Oilyfant on the screen, paint a bit white stripe over him and when the screen is completely covered in paint, turn the TV off and go wheel or something.
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