texts from last night

[Lawn Guyland]

[Ktmracer419]

i'm gonna record a really embarrassing video of her this summer and post it on facebook

wel...

[Lawn Guyland]

mike never hung out with us this summer

[Ktmracer419]

too busy playing ultimate frisbee and updating his status

[Lawn Guyland]

duhhhh

[Asian Mike]

i'm sorry jeeze!!!!! well it's not like i'm never gonna see you again. we live like 30 seconds away haha

[Ktmracer419]

i'm sorry jeeze!!!!! well it's not like i'm never gonna see you again. we live like 30 seconds away haha

not me

ahole

[Lawn Guyland]

awww mike see what you did

[Even]

(124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

(508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

(413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

(864): I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail

(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

[Danksters]

[Arundlemcbrundle]

(518):

and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

[Ruepart Hoaxley]

(912):

There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

[XJLI]

(912):

There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

epic

[Magilla]

(203): I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid

[Ruepart Hoaxley]

(513):

sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.