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Dear Fred,
You knew this day would come. Deep down you feared it with your every waking day. "When will my open letter come?" you thought to yourself... Well Fred, here it is.
2007. A good year in SiS history, one full of wheeling, having a good time, and memorable trips into the hills of PA and the liberalism of MA. 2007 also marks the last year you wheeled. Oh? You wheeled last year at enduring realness? We'll just call that "wheeled" for now, I'm sure everyone understands what I mean.
2007. Speaking of that year, I'd like to make you aware that that is also the last time GENO wheeled. You and Geno, sharing a common wheeling bond, something no red blooded american wishes upon even his worst enemy. Yet here you stand, toe to toe with the SiS legend himself, your infamy growing with each passing hour of each passing day.
If you were to die tomorrow, your tombstone would no doubt read:
Here lies Fred (No one can spell my last name). I leave behind my TJ, of which has not seen off road action in 2 years. I wheeled as much as Geno, and then I died. The end.
Your will would no doubt be made out to EVB. "But Will, I hate EVB!"
Yes Fred, I know, and because of this your will would be left to them, because all you have left to leave behind in your death is your OVERWHELMING FAIL.
Under your user name reads "FAIL SPECIALIST." This is no mere clever ruse, but a shining beacon as to the example you have made here at SiS. A project comes, a project goes, an idea here an idea there, throughout all this your tires lay glued to pavement.
I have seen shopping carts at my local walmart that have seen more wheeling time than the "Speed-J".
Speed-J.
As taken from Merriam Webster:
Main Entry: Speed
Pronunciation:
\ˈspēd\
Function:
noun
2 a: the act or state of moving swiftly : swiftness b: rate of motion: as (1): velocity 1 (2): the magnitude of a velocity irrespective of direction c: impetus3: swiftness or rate of performance or action : velocity 3a
You'll notice i bolded the most important excerpts.
You will also notice that neither of these bolded segments reflect the name of your jeep whatsoever in its current state, bringing into question the actual validity of the name "Speed-J". The only thing on the "Speed-J" that could be related to speed is the rate at which it Fails Per Second. FPS, also known normally as feet per second, will now have an alternate meaning on your behalf.
Perhaps it would be better suited as
"Lame-J"
"Dana 35-J"
"Haven't wheeled since 2007 and it still isnt looking good....J"
These are just a few of the more fitting names you could apply to the jeep.
However regardless of your Jeep's name, "Fail Specialist" is certainly a fitting title of you, Mr. Hoffstaetter. That is until you get off your axle snapping ass and get your jeep in 4 low.
You knew this day would come. Deep down you feared it with your every waking day. "When will my open letter come?" you thought to yourself... Well Fred, here it is.
2007. A good year in SiS history, one full of wheeling, having a good time, and memorable trips into the hills of PA and the liberalism of MA. 2007 also marks the last year you wheeled. Oh? You wheeled last year at enduring realness? We'll just call that "wheeled" for now, I'm sure everyone understands what I mean.
2007. Speaking of that year, I'd like to make you aware that that is also the last time GENO wheeled. You and Geno, sharing a common wheeling bond, something no red blooded american wishes upon even his worst enemy. Yet here you stand, toe to toe with the SiS legend himself, your infamy growing with each passing hour of each passing day.
If you were to die tomorrow, your tombstone would no doubt read:
Here lies Fred (No one can spell my last name). I leave behind my TJ, of which has not seen off road action in 2 years. I wheeled as much as Geno, and then I died. The end.
Your will would no doubt be made out to EVB. "But Will, I hate EVB!"
Yes Fred, I know, and because of this your will would be left to them, because all you have left to leave behind in your death is your OVERWHELMING FAIL.
Under your user name reads "FAIL SPECIALIST." This is no mere clever ruse, but a shining beacon as to the example you have made here at SiS. A project comes, a project goes, an idea here an idea there, throughout all this your tires lay glued to pavement.
I have seen shopping carts at my local walmart that have seen more wheeling time than the "Speed-J".
Speed-J.
As taken from Merriam Webster:
Main Entry: Speed
Pronunciation:
\ˈspēd\
Function:
noun
2 a: the act or state of moving swiftly : swiftness b: rate of motion: as (1): velocity 1 (2): the magnitude of a velocity irrespective of direction c: impetus3: swiftness or rate of performance or action : velocity 3a
You'll notice i bolded the most important excerpts.
You will also notice that neither of these bolded segments reflect the name of your jeep whatsoever in its current state, bringing into question the actual validity of the name "Speed-J". The only thing on the "Speed-J" that could be related to speed is the rate at which it Fails Per Second. FPS, also known normally as feet per second, will now have an alternate meaning on your behalf.
Perhaps it would be better suited as
"Lame-J"
"Dana 35-J"
"Haven't wheeled since 2007 and it still isnt looking good....J"
These are just a few of the more fitting names you could apply to the jeep.
However regardless of your Jeep's name, "Fail Specialist" is certainly a fitting title of you, Mr. Hoffstaetter. That is until you get off your axle snapping ass and get your jeep in 4 low.
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