Tweet
...To cheer everyone up! 
A mechanical engineer and a software engineer are riding in a car. Going down a hill the brakes fail and the car careens down the hill and crashes into a tree. They both barely escape with their lives. The ME says "I think the brakes are faulty, let's tow the car to the garage and investigate what went wrong. The SE says " let's push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
An engineer and a mathematician were shown into a kitchen, given an empty pan, and told to boil a pint of water. They both filled the pan with water, put it on the stove, and boiled it.
The next day they were shown into the kitchen again, given a pan full of water, and told to boil a pint of water.
The engineer took the pan, put it on the stove, and boiled it
The mathematician took the pan and emptied it, thereby reducing it to a previously solved problem.
A Civil Engineer, Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer and Software engineer are traveling in a car.
The CE states that it's probably a gasoline problem.
The EE says that there could be an electrical issue.
The ME supposes that perhaps the timing chain broke.
The software engineer suggests that they all exit the vehicle, close the doors, open the doors, get back in and try to start the engine again.
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet about the ground. You are between 42 and 44 degrees north latitude and between 83 and 85 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
There was once an engineer who found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie jumped out and said to him, "You have three wishes. But there is a catch - this wish system of mine was designed by a lawyer, so whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will get double of!"
The engineer replied, "That's no problem, I can live with that." He then said, "For my first wish, I wish I had a Ferarri."
"OK", said the genie, and a Ferarri appeared in front of the engineer. "But remember, every lawyer in the world now has 2 Ferarris," the genie told the engineer.
The engineer remained unperturbed and said, "For my second wish, I wish for a million bucks." So a million bucks appeared in front of the engineer and the genie said, "remember, every lawyer in the world now has 2 million bucks."
The engineer was non-committal and then said, "I always wished I could donate a kidney!"
A group of engineering undergrads were admiring a buddy's new bike. One asked the new owner "where did you get such a great bike?" The new bike owner replied "It was the funniest thing...I was walking across campus when a beautiful coed rode up to me, jumped off, tore off all her clothes and said I could have anything I wanted!"
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
A mechanical engineer and a software engineer are riding in a car. Going down a hill the brakes fail and the car careens down the hill and crashes into a tree. They both barely escape with their lives. The ME says "I think the brakes are faulty, let's tow the car to the garage and investigate what went wrong. The SE says " let's push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
An engineer and a mathematician were shown into a kitchen, given an empty pan, and told to boil a pint of water. They both filled the pan with water, put it on the stove, and boiled it.
The next day they were shown into the kitchen again, given a pan full of water, and told to boil a pint of water.
The engineer took the pan, put it on the stove, and boiled it
The mathematician took the pan and emptied it, thereby reducing it to a previously solved problem.
A Civil Engineer, Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer and Software engineer are traveling in a car.
The CE states that it's probably a gasoline problem.
The EE says that there could be an electrical issue.
The ME supposes that perhaps the timing chain broke.
The software engineer suggests that they all exit the vehicle, close the doors, open the doors, get back in and try to start the engine again.
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet about the ground. You are between 42 and 44 degrees north latitude and between 83 and 85 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
There was once an engineer who found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie jumped out and said to him, "You have three wishes. But there is a catch - this wish system of mine was designed by a lawyer, so whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will get double of!"
The engineer replied, "That's no problem, I can live with that." He then said, "For my first wish, I wish I had a Ferarri."
"OK", said the genie, and a Ferarri appeared in front of the engineer. "But remember, every lawyer in the world now has 2 Ferarris," the genie told the engineer.
The engineer remained unperturbed and said, "For my second wish, I wish for a million bucks." So a million bucks appeared in front of the engineer and the genie said, "remember, every lawyer in the world now has 2 million bucks."
The engineer was non-committal and then said, "I always wished I could donate a kidney!"
A group of engineering undergrads were admiring a buddy's new bike. One asked the new owner "where did you get such a great bike?" The new bike owner replied "It was the funniest thing...I was walking across campus when a beautiful coed rode up to me, jumped off, tore off all her clothes and said I could have anything I wanted!"
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Vice President of Internal Affairs at Dirty Donny's House of Hookers
Comment